Pikachu-Theo

Pikachu-Theo

What I could tell you about Pokémon I could write on the back of my hand. With magic marker. And I have tiny hands. Nonetheless, I know that it's a card game, a video game and a cartoon, that it gives Japanese schoolchildren epileptic seizures, and it 'stars' Pikachu. Pikachi is a yellow ball with a face and a tail. Theo Huxtable is none of the above. I thought it would be drop-dead funny to make up a Pokémon card with Theo on it.

But it wasn't really all that funny. Oh well.

Here it is Gameboy-sized:

 

 

 

 

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Being Theo Huxtable

Being Theo Huxtable

I've never seen the movie. Seems intriguing, I guess. But I'm just not that much of a movie person. I like some of the Spike Jonze videos I've seen, so I'm sure that means I'd like the movie.

Anyway, the poster - thousands of people holding masks of John Malkovich to their faces - was ripe for parody. This was back when I only had the handed Theo, but still I like it: a million Theo clones with a million cloned hands.

And here is is bite-sized:

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Uncle Sam-Theo

Uncle Sam-Theo

Okay, yet another variation on the 'take an iconic image and stick Theo's face on it' theme... this is, of course, the warmongering poster that has convinced countless Americans to trod off to their deaths. Here, then, it's Theo Huxtable inviting people to... well, I have no idea. To compose songs with Stevie Wonder? To wear a highly fashionable Gordon Gartrelle shirt?

As a side note, it's a God-awful job, really, with the result looking neither like Theo nor Uncle Sam. A horrid mess. Enjoy!

Messy but smaller:

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Monty Python Crushes Theo

Monty Python Crushes Theo

I love Monty Python. At their most ridiculous, they're brilliant, and at their most brilliant, they're ridiculous. It's got the exact sense of humour I prefer.

Monty Python movies and the Flying Circus often featured animations - usually quick little things to link different skits. One of the most iconinc was the big foot that comes out of the sky, crushing whatever is beneath it. Well, here's the big foot crushing our poor Theo. Wait for it.

Smaller, but no less sexy:

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Old Theo

Old Theo

Just a minor variation of the 'Baby Theo' I included a few months ago. Once again, I didn't really make this myself: it all comes from some website that I'll never be able to find now... one that lets you upload a portrait and have it doctored in all sorts of ways. In this particular case, it's a remarkably successful 'olding up' of our dear Theo. This is what Theo Huxtable will look like in a good... er, well, seen any pictures of him lately?

Here it is all tiny-like.

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Aladdin Theo

I like recasting classic albums as pictures of Theo, and I think this is one of my best efforts at it. Somehow it doesn't look much like Theo anymore, but he's in there somewhere... under the funky hair and behind the lighning bolt. The original is, of course, a David Bowie album, the follow-up to Ziggy Stardust. Not that great an album, great cover.

Here's Theo

 

The height of stupidity, really... this ridiculous creation is our good friend Theo badly pasted upon Jack Nicholson, axe in hand, screaming "Here's Johnny" in a bizarre imitation of Ed MacMahon in the movie "The Shining". The eyes don't match up... the two mouths are freakish in their superimposition...the result looks like neither Malcolm Jamal Warner nor Jack Nicholson... but just as creepy as a Steven King book.

Theospotting

Theospotting

A bit obvious, maybe. A super iconic poster for a pretty damn good movie, the 'Trainspotting' film promotional poster was one of those dorm room mainstays for many a years. Renton, Diane, Sick Boy et al still have their bodies here, but suddenly they've all become Theo Huxtable. Which must, I imagine, make for a highly confusing movie to watch - kind of like the video for Aphex Twin's "Come to Daddy", I guess. But you've got to love that Theo-on-Theo action you get after Theo picks up an underage Theo in the bar. And how sexy undersage Theo looks in the schoolgirl's uniform...

Argh. I think I've just melted my brain.

Dr. Theo "Hannibal" Lecter

Dr. Theo "Hannibal" Lecter

 

Yes, this one is terribly crude. I think I did it with MS Paint or something. But it's appropriately giggle-worthy. I think Hannibal from The Silence of the Lambs in his mask, straight-jacketed to a gurney is about as iconic an image as the Gimp from Pulp Fiction (who doesn't have any exposed skin, so I couldn't make a Theo-Gimp). So the problem of the original picture of Theo I use tilting his head ever so slightly off-centre returns here (the mask is looking directly forward but its occupant is not), but is hopefully less problematic than Theo Huxtable obviously having white ears and neck. Well, perhaps it's a skin-dress.

Baby Theo on Santa's Knee

Baby Theo on Santa's Knee

Ah, 'tis the season... in the spirit of Jesus's birth, I give you Santa Claus... the obvious option would be Santa Theo. But... well, I thought it was better to go this way. We've had a few Baby Theo pictures so far. Here he is making wishes on Santa's knee. What, pray tell, would the Huxtables' only son be wishing for? That's between him and his Santa...

Theo Film Reel

Theo Film Reel

I like this one: it's a cute trick of repeating GIFs that you can make a repeated, scrolling thing appear to be scrolling eternally. Here, of course, I split it, having Theo scroll in one direction on the top half and in the other direction on the bottom half. All in all, I'm pleased with the result, though I suppose it might cause seizures or something. In which case I should have warned you earlier.

Theo Menorah

 

Theo Menorah

Just in time for Chanukah, I give you the Theo Menorah, a miracle where each of the Menorah candle burns not with a yellow flame but with a rolling little Huxtable-head. I know it's tough to see, given the tiny picture size, but believe me: there are nine Theos for the nine days of Chanukah.

Now if anyone could explain to me the whole Chanukah-spelling issue...

Nevermind Theo

Nevermind Theo

Yay! Another week, another penis! In this case, though, it's not an ancient classic so much as a modern classic. I don't like Nirvana much, but I realise that not considering Nevermind to be a classic of the 20th century is kind of like not considering your metaphors with enough thought.

Nevermind is one of those cases where iconic album meets, through sheer coincidence I suppose, iconic cover art. The baby, the swimming, the dollar bill, the pool, the fishhook. The don't-comment-on-the-kid's-penis-you-pedo-you. So here is Theo, looking back on when he was a little nappy-headed boy, swimming for cash. As Malclolm Jamal Warner might well presently be doing.

The Vitruvian Theo

The Vitruvian Theo

I had originally merely called this "Theo da Vinci" (potentially problematic nomenclature should I ever want to make a Theo based on Vincent Van Gogh and avoid fundamentalist-Muslim wrath), but I decided to go ahead and actually check out (via Wikipedia) the actual name of the picture in order to, I suppose, seem educated. Which I've just shot to hell by fessing up. Anyway, 'vitruvian' is a fancy word, whatever it means. And this is a fancy picture, leading generations of schoolchildren to titter "you can see his pee-nis!". This is, of course, da Vinci's primary contribution to education worldwide.

Penis or no, I think Theo fits wonderfully well into this iconic photo (quality too small to appreciate, perhaps). His head is, of course, way out of proportion and his neck is, well, absent. But still, he looks happy with his four arms, four legs and dangling genitalia.

And who wouldn't be?

Theo the Bubble Boy

Theo the Bubble Boy

There's not much very impressive going on in this picture... it's just a simple distortion on his face, giving him a huge nose. A variation on the Woll Smoth, I suppose. I call him the 'bubble boy' because it makes his face look like a bubble, I suppose.

Well, in any case, there he is, back where he belongs, in high school in front of the set of lockers.

And with impressive peripheral vision.

Theo the Flag-Waver

Theo the Flag-Waver

Well, looked for something Remembrance Day-ish, and all I could get was this. Jingoism of a different country. But I think 11 November is commemorated in the States as "Veterans' Day", so it'll do. Jingoism is so freakishly foreign to me that I'm actually fascinated when I see it. This one reminds me of American election posters, where each candidate tries to out-American the other. Theo's pensive expression now looks like rapt pride (well, work with me here) in front of the waving red, white and blue.

Theo McDonald

Theo McDonald

A week late for Hallowe'en, the single creepiest thing in the world: Ronald McDonald. Clearly in an attempt not to be out-creeped by its main competitor, Burger King relatively recently launched the highly creepy king mascot it has now. But frightwig-and-greasepaint Ronald has him beat both in longevity and in creepiness. Coulrophobia is by now so endemic that I have no idea why anyone uses clowns as mascots. Can't sleep... clown will McEat me...

Theo Astley

Theo Astley

In the spirit of the great Rick Rolls... this is a few seconds of Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" video with our Theo bobbing on top (a bit too high, I admit - suggestive of a really long neck, but a necessity because of Rick's really big hair in the original)... I have to admit that this is not my idea; it was a friend who suggested the juxtaposition. For use in later videos (and indeed still pictures), that same friend painstakingly digitised a chin for Theo, which definitely opened the door to more creative endeavours, and avoided the issue of the 'ghostly third hand' seen here. But here, it's a decently creepy thing indeed (and here we are at Hallowe'en), and I think gives it a certain charm.

A Huge Evergrowing Pulsating Theo

A Huge Evergrowing Pulsating Theo

My first experiment with using Adobe Flash to create a 'moving Theo', this one isn't really parodying anything at all, actually. It's just an endless succession of Theos being born in the right eye of other Theos, which sounds very Greek-Mythology to me.

Hello Theo

Hello Theo

What Theo Huxtable might look like if he was hoping to be a mainstay in the fashion habits of Japanese teenage girls...

Of course, perhaps he is. I've never been to Japan, after all, and a nation filled with girls wearing Theo Huxtable creates a lovely image in my head.